1/9/1995-9/24/2007
9/25/07 Oh GOD, If I could go back in time and get just one more minute with my #1 boy I would take it. One more minute to kiss his face and brush his hair and rub his belly. One more minute to tell him one more time that I loved him. Oh Twomix, I love you so much, my tears will continue to pour out from my eyes as if they were calling to you. My heart will no longer be a complete piece, with out you I am no longer whole. My sorrow will never fade as you have been and always will be MY # 1 BOY!
9/26/07 My tears burn as they stream down my face, I cant believe my body still has tears to make. It comes in waves now, I see his empty crate and I cry, a sad song on the radio makes me cry. I have a ache in my heart that wont go away. My head hurts and I have started to wish I could of done something to save him. Twomix had been diagnosed with AIHA back in June. We took him to get his Rabies in Feb and he almost died,it took me 2 weeks to nurse him back to health. Twomix was fine until June when he became weak and gums went white again. I took him to the vet and my Doctor gave him 3 shots and some prednizone. It took me about 3-4 weeks to nurse him back to health. Doc said he had a Auto immune Anemia problem and If he did not get better he would need a blood transfusion. At Twomix's age the outcome was not good. So we watched him and loved him all his days. Monday, Sept 24th was like every other day. I woke up let my boy out to potty and took the kids to school. He likes being outside in the morning. About 10 am I called to him to come in to house before it got to hot and he did not come. I walked over to him and he stood up but was weak. I brought him in, settled him in his crate a gave him a drink. I offered him a cookie and he did not want it. I knew something was wrong. About 5 pm I put him in our livingroom to be with his family. He only let out a cry if I was not there beside him.
We all caressed him and about 6:45 this monday, he passed away!
He will be missed terribly. He was the perfect boy!
GOD! Why cant I stop crying?
10/10/2007
I cried myself to sleep last night, today he is supposed to be coming home from being creamated. The tears that pour from my eyes are now joined with the silent cries from my heart. I dont feel happy anymore and I cant help other older animals stuck in the shelters who are just left there to die. It kills me that I dont have the money to buy big property to bring home the old animals from shelters and let them die in a loving enviroment, like my Twomix did. Thats all I want in life, A place that I can bring old or sick animals home to, to live out their final days. I have so much love for animals and I saw a 18 year old Pit at the shelter who will probably never leave and have to die in a shitty place. She MAY never feel some one brush her or pet her tummy for the last time. I am angry at myself! Angry for not having money!
I am rich with love but love cant buy me a farm or ranch to bring them home too.
Tonight is our first annual meeting, we will be discussing many things and I am hoping Twomix comes home today, I miss him terribly!
10/16/2007
When Twomix came home in his little tin, I felt guilty for doing that to him. I put him on my dresser so I can see him every day. I am going to get a memorial tattoo for him because I love him so much. His son Shadow is going to come up with his family and visit. It is nice to have Twomix's children around during this sad time. I cant update this page with out crying. Our home is quite now and the sounds of Twomix's little wawoo is fading. He was a great dog, I will continue to feel empty with out him here. I have a mission, to get my land so I can help older animals get out of the shelters and die with dignaty!
10/24/07
It is a month since Twomix passed and yet it seems just like yesterday. My crying has gotten better, but I am now facing another possible death in my animal family. Windy is not doing well, she has started to have bladder problems and can only take a few steps then she falls. I am up against possibly having to send her with Twomix. This is not a good year for me.
11/06/07
Crying again today, I was going to go to the shelter to adopt a young girl who needs a home. They could not spay her due to a runny nose. I only had enough money to pay for her. the $37.00 but if you take her home with out a spay, it is a additional 40 bucks. I spent 2 hours on Saturday picking her out and another 2 hours today trying to find someone I could take today.. It was too hard, I did not have enough money. I could not bring her home. They could of called me to let me know, or told me when I put a hold on her that it could cost more. I wanted to get a dog for Twomix, I have a hole in my heart I cant fill, If I keep busy, I will go one but when I stop and think about always caring for him for the last 4 years of his life I cry. Trying to adopt a pit is stupid too. I would have to go in for a interview... Why dont people go in for a interview before they have kids? why are the pits the ones so hard to get? Why is it so hard to adopt a animal others throw away?
I will never replace my special boy, but in his name I can help others who need a home....My children are sad today because we did not get to help a dog from the shelter. So again I cry so hard my head hurts and I cant eat....
12/04/07
Having the name of my favorite dog tattooed on my hand really makes me feel better. When I miss Twomix or feel sad, I look at my hand and I get warm fuzzies..I am going to add Windy's name to my hand as she was put to sleep today. She went out of this world with dignaty and grace. She was battling growths on her spine that were compressing it and causing her to become a parapaligic. We visited the vet about 5 months ago and she seemed to be doing alright. Lately she has rapidly started to fall more and more and her body did not do what her mind wanted. The vet helped me understand I was only prolonging the enevatable. She had gotten bad in 5 months
and only GOD knows how much longer she really had. She had been fighting this for 2 years and the vet was surprised she lasted this long. I let her go with her dignaty intact. I will tattoo her name on my left hand to remember her and the 7 years I loved her.
Goodnight my sweet Windy pipes, tell Genie and Twomix I said i love you and miss you all!
2/25/2008
I have had my crying bouts everyonce and a while, The time between each one is becoming a larger gap. I will never forget the animals I have rescued and loved. I am still waiting to get Windy's paw tatted on my hand. I read something this morning while home schooling the boys about sickle cell anemia, as I was trying to help him ansewr a question about it, I was tearing apart inside. I help it together for the boys and just thought of my happy Twomix boy.
I know I will never get over the loss, but I have comfort in knowing I will see them again one day..
8/29/2008
Champion Sooners Kaspers Karbon Kopy
My other love Rox passed away last night while visiting my good friends. My head has been in the clouds since I had heard the news this morning. My head aches and my eyes are swollen and tired from all the crying. I can't believe it, rox has always been so healthy and happy. I only have one daughter from Rox, her name is Valentien and it makes me sad that I did not see him and comfort him while he was so ill. My friends took very good care of him while he was there and he was shown tons of love while he was alive. I am glad I have his daughter, she will be cherished like he was for as long as she lives. Sometimes having the children of a animal you have lost carries on their memory and it is theraputic. When I would look at Val, I saw her fathers body, coat and ears! I will be looking at her now with softened eyes. Another paw print to get tattooed, where and I going to put it? I will never escape the death of my animals and it does not make it any easier to have another one die, it only makes it worse for me as I am reminded of the ones I have already lost. In the last year, I have lost many animals, the Lord has called them home but they will always be in my heart!
11/23/2009
Today I took in our rescue rabbit to get neutered. They say spay and neutering animals is better for them. I waited 2 years before I felt comfortable enough to get my rabbit neutered. I left him at the vet, went to Petmart to buy him more supplies and a few extra special things and my husband called to tell me the Doctor was trying to get a hold of me it was an emergency. I called the Doctor and Junior died while one under the gas for a few minutes and with a very low dose mixed with Oxygen. I can't help but blame myself.. :(
Junior had Cancer and his Liver was bad. Cancer the size of a Lemon on his heart and lungs.
